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Showing posts with label LOVE FORCE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LOVE FORCE. Show all posts

Friday, June 12, 2015

An Interview with Artist Rae Robinson


LF: How did you start painting?

RR: Like any kid, I always loved painting and drawing. If anyone gave me a crayon and a piece of paper I was entertained for hours. Unlike many kids that went to church or other adult activities and their moms would bring Cheerios, fruit snacks, toys and books, my mom never brought anything; her thing was giving me and my siblings a pen and the church program or paper and that was our entertainment, so I guess I was kind of forced to draw, and I have no complaints there! In high school I also worked at a theatre downtown where I helped build and paint the sets. I loved it so much, but I still didn’t really know how to scale down art or do more academic work until college.

My favorite charcoal drawing, this girl intrigued me. She was in one of my classes and had a little sass about her. Her father is from Kenya and she’s from Texas, she always talked about her roots but at the same time she was the average American teenager. I tried to capture both those sides in this drawing. “Hipster meets Tradition”.
LF: What inspires you the most about art?

RR: Art inspires me in every aspect of my life. I can’t even meet a person without assigning them a color. I often won’t remember your name but I’ll never forget the color I gave you. Art inspires me the most in my relationships with people. If there is one thing I’ve learned in painting it's that every painting and drawing has to go through an ugly stage. At the beginning I’m always excited about the possible outcome of the piece, but I soon find that after many hours the painting has turned sour—the nose might be drooped down to the chin, one eye might be on hair line and the hand is 3x too big… in other words, it’s a disaster. That’s when every artist is faced with a decision: either to snap it in half and throw your brushes across the room (which I have done many times) or to sit down blast the music (Weezer or Passion Pit) get a snack (popcorn) and find a new determination to fix every mistake and patiently let it come together. That’s how I see relationships, they always go through ugly stages and not everything is always perfect with my sisters, dad, mom, boyfriend and friends, but art has taught me to take the second option and work through it. Many artists always show their final piece and have a sense of pride in it but the final product has never been my favorite part about it. My favorite part is always the process that piece took me through (typically an emotional frustrating one) and that’s how life is. It's not about the final outcome, but the process of everyday. Art is everything to me. It’s typically the first and last thing I think about when I wake up and go to bed.

One of the emotional drawings. I didn’t know I was sad or down until I stepped back and realized her position. Later I read my scriptures and realized that of course burdens come and it’s ok, we are supposed to have them. We are all connected to expressing our emotions in some way and God is connected to help us through these emotions in His way.
LF: If you had to give someone a piece of advice around finding your passion, what would you offer?

RR: If I could give anyone one piece of advice about finding their passion it would be to “Date Life.” I know it sounds a bit odd to date life, but my experience has taught me that dates with life are actually the most exciting dates I’ve been on. I had a friend that was expressing her frustration with boys and how she was just so fed up with them. I found myself expressing to her that she just needs to date life, see what it has to offer, and pick and choose from there. There is so much we can’t control around us, but when you date life, you have the power to choose what you are going to do on that date. Dating life is similar to regular relationships, you have to try out many different things to figure out what you like. Maybe a pottery class, hiking, culinary class, foreign films, photography, poetry, badminton . . . you can really start with anything and maybe the first go around is something that you love and you stay with, or maybe it's just horrible and that’s ok—you just try something else. The most exciting dates with life are getting into things that push you, take you out of your comfort level and urge you to develop. Developing talents and passion has made the biggest difference in my life. There was a point in my life (and I’m sure for many others) where I wasn’t in a good relationship which obviously led to many bad breakups, it was hard and brutal, and like so many other things in life that I've gone through, it left me a little helpless and lost. Each time I was left a little more lost, but those were the times I also found myself in art. Being lost and sad, I never wanted to be around people (still struggle), but I would find my own company and a paintbrush entertaining. I would just go paint for hours and draw, sometimes sad and depressing things, but I would draw nevertheless.  Developing a talent pushes us to look beyond ourselves so we don’t just focus on our social status, body type, clothes, followers and “friends” on social media.  It gives us the ability to love ourselves because we love something else that pushes us.

My canvases were always a little creative when I was younger…my little brother Seth was such a trooper. 
LF: Name one thing that you’re hoping to accomplish in the next year.

RR: In the next year I would love to assign more of a style to my work. I feel like that is a never ending search for any artist or person with a passion. Right now I’m in this experimental phase where I just try some of everything, it's fun and I’m enjoying the phase, but eventually I would love to have a style and a medium that I can really master. 

One of my first portraits. I was faced with those two decisions while painting it, but I'm glad I stuck with the second decision to keep working. 
LF: What advice would you have given yourself three years ago?

RR: Three years ago I would have given myself the advice to be patient and enjoy the stage where you just really kinda suck (ha!). Too often I always wanted to be better immediately, instead of enjoying crappy piece after crappy piece. I would also tell myself to not be so dramatic or think the world was over with one bad thing. Wake up early. You only need one or two GOOD friends, not a million. Family and God are the most important things. Finally, be yourself and let yourself change.

Oooh, such delicious words, artwork and advice. Find Rae on Instagram at @raebaebaerob—it's always a beautiful adventure. 

Monday, June 8, 2015

All of the Things I'm Not by Aymie Haslam


I’m not a very good storyteller. I can also assure you that my laugh is dreadfully annoying, I am a frequent attendee of “The Pity Party” (always my own, of course) and I can over think things to the point of exhaustion. But…we’ll get to all that shortly.

Taylor asked me, “What are the top three things you’d want people to know about you?”

Uh…everything…and nothing? I couldn’t mention one thing without qualifying it. When I finally thought of a few things I couldn’t get the words to come together. What do you, the reader, want to know about me?! Nothing really. I am of almost no significance to you other than the fact that I am someone writing for a blog you frequent. I’m just some nobody Canadian, living a rather uneventful life. I will say that, for the sake of this post, you NEED to know that I love myself, but it wasn’t always that way.

Growing up is tough on everyone. If you’re not dealing with a bully, you’re dealing with making friends or struggling with how much time you get on the computer …or all three. There is always something dissatisfying, disheartening, or flat out unfair. As a child, I remember being so insecure, so uncomfortable in my own skin; I was consumed by an almost paralyzing anxiety. I was constantly haunted by feelings of inadequacy, drowning in the possibility that I may never be good enough.

If my laugh didn’t sound right, or I told a story that ended up having no real point or conclusion I would get sucked into a cyclone of self-hate. Eventually these toxic assessments of my self began to manifest in physical retribution. The scars on my body now remind me to always be there for myself, because some times no one else can.

I have since over come most of those struggles. I still have bad days. Nights when I can’t sleep because I am thinking of all the things I’m not. I also have better days that show me how capable I am. I have a strong belief in choosing who you want to be. In letting go of your own past and creating a brighter future for yourself despite the influence of others. My family is a constant strength for me. My faith holds me together when nothing else will. When things really get tough I just go and get my eyebrows done because oddly enough a new set of brows makes me feel like a Nubian Queen. I make sure to take time for myself. I feel truly alive when I am alone in a crowded place. I once spent an evening alone in a Roman piazza just eating and people watching. That may have been the best part of my trip.


Sometimes I give up too soon. I worry too much. I will always find a way to fall off something. I am littered with flaws. However, I don’t take myself too seriously, anymore. I give amazing hugs and I’m very determined and ambitious. We must learn to laugh at ourselves and enjoy our own company. If you find that you are not, I would encourage you to live the law of acceptance of yourself. It is not an excuse to live in mediocrity, but allows you healthy space to work on self-improvement. It makes life just a little easier to live. Also, if you have another moment to spare, run over to Tyler Ford’s post Too Much. It touched my heart and I hope it speaks to you too.

Thank you for reading.

Aymie is so real, so earnest, and so inspirational. Also the Nubian Queen comment makes me fall in love with her even more. Find her on Instagram at @aymielu and you'll fall in love with her too (if you haven't already).

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

The World's Friends by Caroline Altom


Do you ever feel like the whole world is just… waiting for you? Like it’s whispering (or in my case YELLING), “Hey, you! You wanna hang out sometime?” And then after you hang out a few times, some feelings develop, maybe your hang-outs turn into dates, and then before you know it, the world is ready to introduce you to its friends. “Hey, I was thinking. I want to introduce you to my friends. They’re pretty cool. At first they might be a little intimidating. Because, well, they might be a little different than you. But I promise, if you give them a chance, you’ll love them.” And little did you know, the world was saying the same thing about you to all his friends.

Let me tell you—I got to meet some of the world’s friends, and I LOVE THEM.

When it came time for college graduation, like most (all) college grads, I had a lot to figure out. For sure a “trip around the world” was at the top of my list, like many other grads who want to travel, take risks, and put off responsibility as long as possible. AS WE SHOULD. Sorry Mom. Luckily for me, the day I walked into my “Senior Research” class, it absolutely did not feel right. Which then meant I had two weeks to figure out an internship for after graduation. Best thing that ever happened. Oh and did I mention that for about a year leading up to graduation, the universe, or the Big Guy Upstairs, was sending me messages that I needed to go to Ireland?

So, why not? Why not at least try for it? I had to do, otherwise that would be some major self-betrayal. And I knew I had nothing to lose by going for it. I either stayed and did an internship in the states, or I got to go to freaking Ireland. I saw no negative consequences there, only opportunity. And next thing I knew, I was packing my bags to move to Ireland and work at The Shelbourne Hotel. Can we say “meant to be?” I hate imagining if I hadn’t tried, because cheese alert, this experience changed my life.


As I sit here trying to write about what it was like moving there, I wish there was a way to transfer the warmth in my heart and smile on my face into words on this page. I felt so alive the minute I stepped onto those streets of Dublin. And it was all so exciting. Apartment! International roommates! Immigration office! Social security card! Irish phone and bank account! Different languages all around me! Using Euros! Hopping on the train, not having any idea where I was going! Getting rained on TONS! But most importantly, I met so many new and different and beautiful people, who taught me so much and brightened my soul forever. I’ll have more to say on them, hang tight.

Working was quite the experience as well. I quickly learned that “half-two” really meant 2:30, and that when people say “You’re very welcome,” it’s not in response to someone giving thanks, but it really is a welcome, you know? I’m sorry, but I had the best position at the entire hotel. Don’t get me wrong, there were loads of absolutely exhausting and strenuous days/nights; that’s the service industry. But I had so many opportunities to chat with hundreds of guests and hear their life stories. Like Jerry, the Architect from New York, who had MS and while he sat in the green lobby chairs cheerfully waiting for his wife to return from her adventures, told me of his experiences building the finance building in NYC. Or Michael, the man who had been in Dublin in the 1970’s and while he was shopping, came out to Grafton Street and found the IRA ready to blow up the building across the street. The stories are endless, and I plan on sharing them one day. Oh I was just constantly elated. I believe humans are happiest when they’re learning, which leads to progression, and man, I was in a constant state of learning for the eight months I lived on that breathtaking Emerald Isle. It’s even greener and more beautiful than you imagine it, by the way.

I think it’s clear I could go on about my day-to-day in Ireland. But a large part of my overall experience was when, after saving the tiny amount of money I worked my butt off for, I visited England, Austria, the Czech Republic, and later quit my job early (whoops) to go travel the rest of Europe for a month. This is when I got to meet more of the world’s friends, and wow they really are great. Hungary, Sweden, Denmark, Netherlands, Germany, Switzerland, Italy. Incredible places, really. Stunning, unique, tasty, aesthetically pleasing, and each offer something completely awe-inspiring.


But when I look back on that trip, and my whole experience in Ireland, I don’t first think of the things I saw. Not to ever discount the beauty of those places. But those places will always be... places. Dare I say, they’re “re-place-able?” Not in a sense that one is better than the other, or one is forgettable, etc. I’m simply implying that you can leave one place and go to another, always. And majority of the time it will be overly exciting to visit each new place. But for me, it’s the people that make the experience. The people and their cultures are irreplaceable. I will never, ever, forget dancing at a birthday party in the family garage with Shandor, the 70-something year old Hungarian that spoke no English (or I spoke no Hungarian, really). But you don’t need to speak the same language to swing dance do you? Nor will I forget the delicate, pretty old lady who I talked with the whole train ride into Switzerland, who I swear was the most “colorblind,” open minded, loving person I’ve ever met. And of course my Oma for the week in Holland, who is Dutch but lived and married in Israel, and experienced and saw so much in her lifetime, she would do the world so much good by making an “inspirational quote of the day” book.

And what would I have done in Ireland, without my people there? Who welcomed and embraced me with their complete love, and taught me so much about their own culture, their own beliefs, families, political views, goals, dreams, and who are all so different from me and from one another, but who very clearly love sharing our humanity.

There’s no doubt about it, meeting some of the world’s friends was intimidating. And they are different than me in a lot of ways. But hey, since when was “difference” a bad thing? I thought different was just…different? I believe the intimidation comes from the unknown. We often fear what we don’t know or understand. But as you give those unknowns a chance, they become more known, more understood, more loved.

In the end, we are different. But mostly in the superficial fluff that doesn’t matter as much. You see, they’re just trying to figure out how to live their life, the same way I’m trying to figure out how to live mine.

This woman is just as driven, dazzling and energetic as she sounds and we can't get enough of her wild spirit. Follow her on Instagram at @gingerattack.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Bath Power


I never would have anticipated writing a post about baths on Love Force, but I do anticipate writing a lot of posts about self-care, a category which I think baths absolutely fall under. Because when the going gets tough, I get into the tub.

As I mentioned on our Instagram, it feels like it's been a challenging few weeks. Some personal heartaches have hit our family, but it seems like worldwide, we've got some serious sorrow on our hands. Our thoughts and prayers go out to those that are struggling, suffering and wondering when it's going to get better. You are not alone.

In the words of our motto, Love Force is about truth, about being alive, and about what those two things mean for us (both individually and collectively) when they're intertwined together. A truth about being alive: sometimes life feels insurmountable. Another truth: self care (intentional actions you take to care for your physical, mental and emotional health) is a very real thing, and is vital to moving through and healing from pain. Self care can take all sorts of forms—anything from meditation to hugging your dog to doing a puzzle to going for a walk to having a good laugh or a good cry. Taking care of ourselves and others is a key component in contributing to a more peaceful world (and no, it's not selfish).

Which leads me to bath time.

The other night I got home from work, not having slept much the night before, and went straight to the bathtub. My husband walked in to a dark and quiet apartment and must have seen candlelight flickering off of our bathroom walls through the door crack as he slowly pushed it open. I had propped my iPad up on the counter and was watching David Attenborough's Life series (available on le Netflíx) because nature shows are one of my go-to 'happy places'.

"You doing okay?" he asked. I shifted my eyes up at him. "It's a bathtub cinema kind of night," I replied, my chin not leaving its Jabba the Hutt position on my chest. Bathtub cinema. He gets it.


Turns out hydrotherapy (ultimately using water to promote health and well-being in a myriad of forms) has been around for centuries, and with good reason. Records of its use have been found in Egyptian, Persian, Greek, Chinese and Japanese civilizations, for all sorts of medicinal uses ranging from detoxification to improving circulation.

I swear by baths, and was totally tickled to see that the Scientific American covered a study done by researchers at Yale called The Substitutability of Physical and Social Warmth in Daily Life, which can be translated to mean: "Hot Baths May Cure Loneliness". From the study:

More recently, Williams and Bargh (2008) showed that incidental warmth experiences (such as when holding a cup of hot coffee or taking a warm bath) produce “warm” psychological experiences of trust and behavioral effects on generosity, without the person’s awareness.

To add on to feelings of trust and generosity, baths are credited with improving focus and meditation, boosting brain power, soothing muscles (menstrual cramps included), relieving stress, aiding sleep, healing skin conditions like eczema, reducing infection, alleviating colds and headaches and improving circulation, to name a few. And if those things can help us to be our best, healthiest selves, we're in.

If you're in need of inspiration, do yourself a favor and watch this beautiful National Geographic video of Japanese macaques (or snow monkeys) meditating in hot springs. What I would give to just slip right in with them.

Images via Marta Gil, Taylor Radelia and Salva López.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

A Letter to Myself by Jordan Rippy


Dear younger Jordan,

You're shy and quiet. You worry too much about what other people think. As you grow up, you'll still worry, but it won't affect you as much. 

Work on yourself. Become who you've always wanted to be. Don't let the hesitations in your mind stop you. If anything interests you, try it. Take the trips, flirt with the boy, and live by the "Why not?" mentality because truly—what is the worst that could happen? 

You'll turn 25 and your close friend will write a simple statement on your card saying, "Happy Birthday to a friend who is so full of life and love." And that sticks with you because that is who you want to be; that is is how you want to be remembered.

So be confident. Be open and don't second-guess yourself. And always keep in mind what your favorite character Winnie the Pooh says: "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." 

xoxo,

Jordan

Follow Jordan (who happens to be my incredible sister) on Instagram at @jodorippy for some of the best quotes, travel logs and San Diego sunset picture you've ever seen.

Friday, April 24, 2015

#MyFavoriteSelf


Do you have a favorite self?

Think of a time or two that was captured on camera when you felt really strong, or really weak, or really sexy, or really badass, or really natural, or really healthy, or really real. Really alive. This week, Love Force is challenging readers to post a favorite picture of themselves—we want to see you as your truest, freest self, most favorite self, whatever that looks like to you.

Post the picture on Instagram with the hashtag #myfavoriteself and tag @loveforceblog. Tell us why that's a favorite "you" and throughout the week, Love Force will be featuring your posts on our Instagram feed, with a winner announced Friday, May 1st. (Winner gets a copy of Amy Poehler's book Yes Please!)

And we want you to spread the word! Our hope is that taking a minute to think about your favorite self will inspire others to do the same. And the world could use a lot more favorite selves. Best of luck!

(Images from Tomboy Style, The Sartorialist, and ShootingFilm.net)

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Painting Ourselves Red by Paul Clonts


High expectations of attractiveness for women and men has troubled me for years. Living with the reality of these standards affects my self-esteem, body image and confidence and has hindered several aspects of my life. And I know I'm not alone in feeling these effects. There are countless times I have heard friends saying, “If I lost fifteen pounds I’d probably have a boyfriend” or “I wish my skin didn’t look this way, (so-and-so) has perfect skin.”

In my perfect world, everyone would be admired and respected for their natural bodies and physical appearance, without modification or cover-up. I personally know many individuals who obsess over having the ideal bronzed skin, flawless make-up, and a perfect body. I know a woman who has overcome skin cancer developed at a tanning salon. I lament her situation; both the reasoning behind her tanning as well as the devastating effects from synthetic UV rays on her health. 

I believe in being physically active in order to have a healthy body, but the amount of money and time spent on a picturesque body is money and time wasted. It saddens me that these expectations and unnecessary pressures stem from fashion, design, and entertainment industries that seem to control the masses’ self-image. I also mourn that generally, we have subscribed to these benchmarks of attractiveness. 

One day I watching the movie Alice in Wonderland, specifically the scene when the Queen’s servants are out painting the roses red, and I saw a fitting metaphor for this concept. The Queen only sees the color red as attractive and beautiful, while the natural color of the roses is white. I had an image in my mind of millions of people painting their faces the way "the Queen" (fashion, design, and entertainment industries) would want. I began writing a satirical song to express my thoughts.

So you want to know true beauty? 
You want to make this garden home?
Come with me 
I'll show you all you must do, 
And who you’ve got to be, 
You're ashamed of your petals of white, 
They're your curse from God, 
It's hard accepting yourself, 
When pale is wrong and red is right 

Chorus: 
She don't care who you are, 
You don't look the way you should, 
She has come to paint you red, 
She's painting all the roses red. 

There is something you should know, 
She will cover all your faults, 
So wear the mask of beauty, 
Let her paint cover your troubled soul. 

She'll paint you red when your confidence is fading in the wind, 
Paint you red when loneliness becomes your only loyal friend, 
If you think you're pretty, she'll still paint you red, she'll paint you red.


 A huge thank you to Paul for sharing his music with Love Force. If you want more of that husky, honeyed voice, you can find Paul's band South Paw here and here.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Passion, Purpose and the Pursuit of Personhood by Jamie Frost

I have always loved to sing. As a child my imaginative play always involved singing in one way or another. Whether I was a pirate/singer, princess/singer, or even a mechanic/singer, the singer part was non-negotiable. In fact, my mother signed me up for figure skating lessons after I was mesmerized at Michelle Kwan’s performance in the 1998 Olympics, but even then I insisted that my figure skating hopes would only be complete if I could skate to songs I myself had recorded. I wrote my first song in the 3rd grade (in which basically I just named any major monument I could think of around a chorus of “around the wooooooorld”); and in the 5th grade my book report on The Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler was a seven minute musical review. It never crossed my mind that I would end up doing anything but singing.

Until two years ago.

For me, singing was my freedom, it made me feel strong. It made me feel powerful. It was the source of my self-confidence and the manifestation of my best self. Knowing that I could take any piece of music and sing it, high notes, low notes, whatever, was the ultimate freeing thought. With jazz music, even just listening to certain riffs could make me feel like I was being wrapped in silky sheets of sunlight, and conquering a tough phrase filled me with a giddiness akin to a 6-year-old on Christmas morning. At age 23 I was in the midst of training with one of the top vocal coaches in the country when I met my now-husband.

Let me guess what you may be thinking, that this is a story about how I gave up on my dreams to get married and put myself on the backburner for my husband’s goals. I have to admit I also had that fear sweep across my mind once or twice, but each time, I realized the same thing I am about to explain to you: passions are not always meant to be permanent.

It is possible that their function, instead of being the end-all be-all of our lives, is to teach, to uplift, to inspire, and to guide. When they have taught us all they can, we move on.

As my relationship with my husband progressed, the excitement I had about singing gradually faded. It was no longer appealing to me to be gone on tour for three months at a time, nor was it appealing to have to spend my evenings at gigs or rehearsals. (Notice here that my vernacular changed from the once hopeful “get” to do these things to “have” to do these things.) My husband, a mental performance coach, went to great lengths to make sure what I was feeling wasn’t just burnout, or a case of temporary insanity. I really just didn’t love it anymore. While I still enjoy listening to soulful blues and jazz music, it doesn’t fill me with the same power and groove that it used to. And that’s okay with me.

At first this was very scary. Who was I if not a singer? Could my instincts about myself really have been so wrong as to make me think I was passionate about something I wasn’t? Had I wasted all of that time and effort on something that would never come to fruition?

I decided, however, that fear and stubbornness were not good enough driving factors to continue with something I no longer loved. Letting go of the identity of singer that I had tied myself to freed me up to explore other aspects of who I am. I discovered a love for cooking Italian food, history, languages, and yoga; I am starting a jiu jitsu class within the month, and I discovered I make a pretty decent wife, which is something I never imagined would be the case. I feel that I am closer to the version of myself I am ultimately meant to be than I was two years ago, in large part because I had the courage to abandon what I had relied on for self-validation and allowed myself to just be Jamie; not Jamie the aspiring singer, just Jamie. I was lucky enough to have a support system - my husband - to encourage and console me along my journey of self-acceptance as a person without the need of any other identifiers.

When I think about singing now, I am grateful, but not in the least bit regretful. I learned a lot about hard work and focused practice. I learned a lot about goals, dreams, and passions that I use to empathize and encourage those who are currently pursuing those things. Ultimately, however, the greatest gift that singing gave me was the lesson that I am enough without it. I am enough just being me.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

"Too Much" by Tyler Ford

do you remember the first time you were called annoying?
how your breath stopped short in your chest
the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze
the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue.
your eyes never left the floor that day.
you were 13.
you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for “too long,”
apologies littering every other sentence,
words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years.
i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious.
all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard
for 3 minutes
for 10 minutes
for 2 hours
forever.
there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, your heart;
mostly because they can’t handle their own.
but you will never be
and have never been
“too much.”

Tyler Ford

More Tyler Ford here and here.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

A Letter to My Future Self by McKenzie Bauer


Dear future McKenzie,

Disclaimer: Writing a letter to your future self is a bit strange. I have no idea where my life will be or what what my story will look like. However, I do hope to become a certain type of person and for the most part, I know what it will take to become that.

Anyway, I hope you love your husband even more deeply than you do now because you are crazy about him. As you should be, he’s one awesome guy! I hope that you never take him for granted—not once. Look him in the eyes each night before you fall asleep and tell him how much he means to you and hug him in the morning to let him know that you will always be by his side. Support him and recognize that he has fears and weaknesses, different from your own. You are there to help him overcome them.

Although I am not a mother while I write this, when you have kids of your own, make time to always be a mother, not just a mom. Don’t let problems become more important than your people. Snuggle them. Listen to them. Serve them. Strive to be as much like your mother as possible. And strive to be different as well. Teach them. Love them. And then teach some more. If you’re listening and loving in the right ways, hopefully you will know how to help them.

Don’t be a control freak. This is a problem you deal with every day and it’s a huge (and I mean huge) weakness of yours and you need to get over it. Go with the wind. Breathe and just let things be. Your attitude affects those around you—make sure your attitude is a positive one.

Keep in touch with old friends and make your new friends feel important. Learn from each other. Utilize the relationships in your life to better yourself and others.

Never stop praying.

Take care of your body. Go on lots of walks. Appreciate every sunset. Hug people. Don’t forget to have fun. Hang your kids artwork on the fridge. Stay organized. Keep up on your journal. Work hard.

Have a damn piece of cake every now and then and enjoy every last bite.

Every one of these things (except for the parts about motherhood) are things I am trying to improve on each day and guess what, I fail quite regularly. It’s kind of embarrassing actually, but that's life!

The great thing is, I also succeed. Every now and again I’ll remember to make a phone call to someone whose been on my mind or to say my morning prayers.

Don’t beat yourself up. Ask for help. And be happy.

These are things I am learning now and I hope that you (however you old you are) are also learning these things.

Be kind to yourself and know that I pray for you every day.

I know that God loves you and is looking out for you. He always has been and he always will be. I don’t know what trials you will face or the dark moments that lie ahead but from what I can tell, they always end.

Stay true to who you are but always be willing to accept where you need to change and then execute.

Love,

yourself.

P.S. Love yourself.


This woman is love and light; she's earnest, curious and has one of the biggest hearts I know. Get to know her yourself—find Kenzie on Instagram at @kenzebauer and at her blog here.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Pretty by Kate Makkai

Welcome to Wednesday morning, where poet and speaker Kate Makkai sends shivers down our spines as she delivers "Pretty" into our minds and hearts.


Language-edited version here, though I recommend watching the full version (one-word difference) to maintain the integrity of Makkai's forceful work.

Also—don't miss her interview about beauty, aesthetics and perception with FierceMag.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Marni Takes New York: 10 Notes From the Subway

Marni took a leap of faith and moved to New York City last July. She recently wrote me, "I write little notes here and there to myself on the train and take notes about everything that has been swirling around in my brain since moving to the city." And that's exactly what this post is—subway notes by Marni Vail.


Note 1

The other day in church I was thinking about how I never want to fall “out of touch,” but that I wouldn’t even remember how to not fall “out of touch” if I was “out of touch,” because it just happens so naturally. Like a ball of yarn unraveling—it falls off the couch, your cat or baby gets a hold of it and you just don’t notice. It happens slowly, never on purpose. And then you wake up one day and have no idea what happened and there’s no clues. So I decided to make a list of things that concerned me at critical stages in my life, so that when I have kids I will remember how it feels. What it's like to be a little kid when you're learning how to tell the truth, how to include people and feel included. What it's like to be a teenager and wonder about boys, or to be in high school and learn how to not get caught up in the caste system, to be your own kind of cool and to love your body. Or how it feels to be in your mid twenties and single, and wonder if you will ever get married or be able to support yourself. I guess this is sort of like that.

Note 2

The snow is falling again. Which means it’s the first day of spring in New York I guess. This city is so strange. Different from anywhere I’ve ever lived. It’s dirty, addicting, expensive, and enthralling. I feel like a full-length mirror here in the city. Reflecting a million tiny dreams in my heart and wanting to be a little drop of everything I see and feel. To write things, act, sing, make short films, create art, dance, perform, do stand up comedy even, befriend strangers and get to the bottom of their hopes and dreams while I try to live out mine. This city is so full of people doing so many different things. Maybe that’s why I moved here in the first place, I couldn’t make up my mind. When I lay in my bed at night and the streets are finally quiet, I feel just like a pair of freshly washed socks tucked in the back of a drawer, stacked safely on top of a whole bunch of other socks. The night sky blanketing me and all the tiny people in the city, making us all one. That's why I think I secretly love emergency situations—we are all one in emergencies—we are the most human when we have no control at all.

Note 3

Leo Tolstoy said in the beginning of one of his books, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." I think at night were all alike. We all rely on the same thing to take us over, sleep. All tucked safely in our beds, and in the morning we break apart again like a 5,000 piece puzzle. There are some things though that no matter how different we are, we all yearn for, and need. Touch. I miss human touch here. So much that when I accidentally run into someone or they run into me, I don't mind at all. In fact, I almost want people to run into me so that I remember I'm not just a ghost haunting the city or something.

Note 4

It's easy to feel like a tiny green pea in New York. People pretend not to see you. You pretend not to see anyone. I really like seeing all the different faces on the subway, I don’t like pretending. Older people studying out of textbooks, I secretly admire them for going back to school. I look at all the hard workers that ride the train with me, some dressed in business suits holding leather bags, others with patches on their jeans, and hard hats and utility belts. I admire them all. I wonder about their families or if they even have family in this country or if it was just a dream of theirs to come to New York, and if its what they expected. I feel love for them. Even this man sitting next to me, falling in and out of consciousness trying to do a Sudoku puzzle. He’s threatening to fall asleep on me and has dry skin and dandruff, but I love him too.

Note 5

I've learned a lot since moving to New York. There are things that New York can teach me, but things only I can teach New York. For example, walking. New York has taught me how to walk with purpose, squaring my shoulders taking up a lot of room on the sidewalk and looking people right in the eye. I heard this once: "If you shut your eyes to a frightening sight, you end up being frightened. If you look at everything straight on, there is nothing to be afraid of.'" Akira Kurosawa, Something Like an Autobiography.

I try to look at most everyone I pass in the eyes, not because I’m trying not to be afraid of them, but because I want to show them that they exist in this world.

Note 6

I used to be afraid of a lot of things. My biggest fear has always been dying before my time. I don’t know why. There’s something just so tragic about it. I used to be so shy when I was a little kid. Even my cousin asked me to have a sleepover once and I just stood there quietly because I was too shy to answer her in front of people. I remember I came out of my shell eventually like most kids do. When I was 19 I read an article about how everyone thinks that the spotlight is on them—when they enter a room, when they are speaking, eating, etc. But if everyone thinks the spotlight is on them, the truth is that the spotlight is never really on you, you just feel that way, and so does everyone else. Long story short, nobody cares. No one really cares that much what you do, how you do it, or if you're still single at 27. There is nothing to be shy or embarrassed about. Ever. This is your life; you’re the only one that knows how to live it perfectly. So do what you want to do anyway. Don’t live under a blanket of fear. Unnecessary fear can sink its claws into you and hold you back.

Shrugging off irrational things is really living your life true to you. I’ve heard that the real reason you flip a coin is not so that the coin will decided for you, it's so that your mind will whisper to you what it is you really want, right when the coin is in the air, or when you get that sinking feeling when you see the coin is landing on the decision you don’t really want. You should never play it too safe. Do what you want and be who you want regardless of circumstance. I miss writing and making movies. Picking a subject and delving in. I miss being in school. I also miss having someone to share my life with. I'm going home to eat dinner now and it will be good but I enjoy so much having someone to share my meals with. Life is most flavorful when shared.

Note 7

Sometimes I find my life is just passing so quickly without me having much say in it. I don't like that. Pause every once in a while and glance at what you are creating. If it’s not what you want, then make a plan, act fast and change. Young people breathe such life into things. Older people add depth, wisdom. The people in the middle, like us, I guess we just try to move things around and make life interesting. Make it all mean something while we can. Write our own stories, move, run, and make big decisions. There really are no wrong answers in life. There are only missed opportunities.

Note 8

In New York people can look grumpy or way into what they're doing but they're not. They're just in their little shells copying what everyone else is doing. So when I first moved here I tried to blend in so I did that too. But I’ve realized how much of my true life I’ve been missing out on being “a stone faced New Yorker.” So I’m not doing that anymore and just being myself. Smiling. Touching. Being honest. The day I made that decision, to look into people’s eyes again and smile, I met this girl Carla at an art store who was deaf. I didn’t know she was deaf at first but I complimented her beautiful smooth skin and awesome hair and then she signaled to me that she was deaf. It made me even happier that I reached out to her. She helped me pick out art supplies.

Note 9

Everyone grows up but doesn't have to grow old. When I’m 100 years old I want to look back and see that my heart grew and expanded in all directions. That I progressed and knew what it was like to be a human. Poor, happy, unhappy, lonely, strong, courageous, bold, loving, afraid, compassionate, emotional, resilient. That I knew the magic of friendship, and how it feels to be human. I’m stretching my heart to stay young not because I fear growing old, but because life happens so fast, I want to experience every feeling like it’s the first time. I think that’s what true youth and beauty is. To be young at heart is to feel things deeply and to feel often. You only have one life to live.

Note 10

My mom says I'm strong to make my life from scratch moving out here without really knowing anyone or anything. And that it’s “so impressive.” But anyone can do that really. What is more challenging is staying true to who you are no matter where you go and to remember not to get whisked away into “the norm." Be your own norm and try not to get whisked away into the current of who you think you're “supposed to be." For me to truly live means slowing down to keep up with who I really am.


Editor's note: Love her yet? I met Marni years ago at an impromptu photoshoot put on by our university's photo club. I remember she was magnetic without even trying to be, earnest and loving simply because it came so naturally to her. Radiant in every way, Marni's authenticity still inspires me to shake off my façades and show up in the best of ways.

Want your day to be brighter? Follow Marni here for weekly bits of wisdom, glimpses of that New York lifestyle and every now and then, a picture or two of that megawatt smile.

(Watercolor sketch by Suhita Shirodkar)

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Neil Gaiman on Art

I never really expected to find myself giving advice to people graduating from an establishment of higher education. I never graduated from any such establishment. I never even started at one. I escaped from school as soon as I could, when the prospect of four more years of enforced learning before I'd become the writer I wanted to be was stifling.

I got out into the world, I wrote, and I became a better writer the more I wrote, and I wrote some more, and nobody ever seemed to mind that I was making it up as I went along, they just read what I wrote and they paid for it, or they didn't, and often they commissioned me to write something else for them.

Which has left me with a healthy respect and fondness for higher education that those of my friends and family, who attended Universities, were cured of long ago.

Looking back, I've had a remarkable ride. I'm not sure I can call it a career, because a career implies that I had some kind of career plan, and I never did. The nearest thing I had was a list I made when I was 15 of everything I wanted to do: to write an adult novel, a children's book, a comic, a movie, record an audiobook, write an episode of Doctor Who... and so on. I didn't have a career. I just did the next thing on the list.

So I thought I'd tell you everything I wish I'd known starting out, and a few things that, looking back on it, I suppose that I did know. And that I would also give you the best piece of advice I'd ever got, which I completely failed to follow.

First of all: When you start out on a career in the arts you have no idea what you are doing.

This is great. People who know what they are doing know the rules, and know what is possible and impossible. You do not. And you should not. The rules on what is possible and impossible in the arts were made by people who had not tested the bounds of the possible by going beyond them. And you can.

If you don't know it's impossible it's easier to do. And because nobody's done it before, they haven't made up rules to stop anyone doing that again, yet.

Secondly, If you have an idea of what you want to make, what you were put here to do, then just go and do that.

And that's much harder than it sounds and, sometimes in the end, so much easier than you might imagine. Because normally, there are things you have to do before you can get to the place you want to be. I wanted to write comics and novels and stories and films, so I became a journalist, because journalists are allowed to ask questions, and to simply go and find out how the world works, and besides, to do those things I needed to write and to write well, and I was being paid to learn how to write economically, crisply, sometimes under adverse conditions, and on time.

Sometimes the way to do what you hope to do will be clear cut, and sometimes it will be almost impossible to decide whether or not you are doing the correct thing, because you'll have to balance your goals and hopes with feeding yourself, paying debts, finding work, settling for what you can get.

Something that worked for me was imagining that where I wanted to be – an author, primarily of fiction, making good books, making good comics and supporting myself through my words – was a mountain. A distant mountain. My goal.

And I knew that as long as I kept walking towards the mountain I would be all right. And when I truly was not sure what to do, I could stop, and think about whether it was taking me towards or away from the mountain. I said no to editorial jobs on magazines, proper jobs that would have paid proper money because I knew that, attractive though they were, for me they would have been walking away from the mountain. And if those job offers had come along earlier I might have taken them, because they still would have been closer to the mountain than I was at the time.

I learned to write by writing. I tended to do anything as long as it felt like an adventure, and to stop when it felt like work, which meant that life did not feel like work.

Thirdly, When you start off, you have to deal with the problems of failure. You need to be thickskinned, to learn that not every project will survive. A freelance life, a life in the arts, is sometimes like putting messages in bottles, on a desert island, and hoping that someone will find one of your bottles and open it and read it, and put something in a bottle that will wash its way back to you: appreciation, or a commission, or money, or love. And you have to accept that you may put out a hundred things for every bottle that winds up coming back.

The problems of failure are problems of discouragement, of hopelessness, of hunger. You want everything to happen and you want it now, and things go wrong. My first book – a piece of journalism I had done for the money, and which had already bought me an electric typewriter from the advance – should have been a bestseller. It should have paid me a lot of money. If the publisher hadn't gone into involuntary liquidation between the first print run selling out and the second printing, and before any royalties could be paid, it would have done.

And I shrugged, and I still had my electric typewriter and enough money to pay the rent for a couple of months, and I decided that I would do my best in future not to write books just for the money. If you didn't get the money, then you didn't have anything. If I did work I was proud of, and I didn't get the money, at least I'd have the work.

Every now and again, I forget that rule, and whenever I do, the universe kicks me hard and reminds me. I don't know that it's an issue for anybody but me, but it's true that nothing I did where the only reason for doing it was the money was ever worth it, except as bitter experience. Usually I didn't wind up getting the money, either. The things I did because I was excited, and wanted to see them exist in reality have never let me down, and I've never regretted the time I spent on any of them.

The problems of failure are hard.

The problems of success can be harder, because nobody warns you about them.

The first problem of any kind of even limited success is the unshakable conviction that you are getting away with something, and that any moment now they will discover you. It's Imposter Syndrome, something my wife Amanda christened the Fraud Police.

In my case, I was convinced that there would be a knock on the door, and a man with a clipboard (I don't know why he carried a clipboard, in my head, but he did) would be there, to tell me it was all over, and they had caught up with me, and now I would have to go and get a real job, one that didn't consist of making things up and writing them down, and reading books I wanted to read. And then I would go away quietly and get the kind of job where you don't have to make things up any more.

The problems of success. They're real, and with luck you'll experience them. The point where you stop saying yes to everything, because now the bottles you threw in the ocean are all coming back, and have to learn to say no.

I watched my peers, and my friends, and the ones who were older than me and watch how miserable some of them were: I'd listen to them telling me that they couldn't envisage a world where they did what they had always wanted to do any more, because now they had to earn a certain amount every month just to keep where they were. They couldn't go and do the things that mattered, and that they had really wanted to do; and that seemed as a big a tragedy as any problem of failure.

And after that, the biggest problem of success is that the world conspires to stop you doing the thing that you do, because you are successful. There was a day when I looked up and realised that I had become someone who professionally replied to email, and who wrote as a hobby. I started answering fewer emails, and was relieved to find I was writing much more.

Fourthly, I hope you'll make mistakes. If you're making mistakes, it means you're out there doing something. And the mistakes in themselves can be useful. I once misspelled Caroline, in a letter, transposing the A and the O, and I thought, “Coraline looks like a real name...”

And remember that whatever discipline you are in, whether you are a musician or a photographer, a fine artist or a cartoonist, a writer, a dancer, a designer, whatever you do you have one thing that's unique. You have the ability to make art.

And for me, and for so many of the people I have known, that's been a lifesaver. The ultimate lifesaver. It gets you through good times and it gets you through the other ones.

Life is sometimes hard. Things go wrong, in life and in love and in business and in friendship and in health and in all the other ways that life can go wrong. And when things get tough, this is what you should do.

Make good art.

I'm serious. Husband runs off with a politician? Make good art. Leg crushed and then eaten by mutated boa constrictor? Make good art. IRS on your trail? Make good art. Cat exploded? Make good art. Somebody on the Internet thinks what you do is stupid or evil or it's all been done before? Make good art. Probably things will work out somehow, and eventually time will take the sting away, but that doesn't matter. Do what only you do best. Make good art.

Make it on the good days too.

And Fifthly, while you are at it, make your art. Do the stuff that only you can do.

The urge, starting out, is to copy. And that's not a bad thing. Most of us only find our own voices after we've sounded like a lot of other people. But the one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.

The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you're walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That's the moment you may be starting to get it right.

The things I've done that worked the best were the things I was the least certain about, the stories where I was sure they would either work, or more likely be the kinds of embarrassing failures people would gather together and talk about until the end of time. They always had that in common: looking back at them, people explain why they were inevitable successes. While I was doing them, I had no idea.

I still don't. And where would be the fun in making something you knew was going to work?

And sometimes the things I did really didn't work. There are stories of mine that have never been reprinted. Some of them never even left the house. But I learned as much from them as I did from the things that worked.

Sixthly. I will pass on some secret freelancer knowledge. Secret knowledge is always good. And it is useful for anyone who ever plans to create art for other people, to enter a freelance world of any kind. I learned it in comics, but it applies to other fields too. And it's this:

People get hired because, somehow, they get hired. In my case I did something which these days would be easy to check, and would get me into trouble, and when I started out, in those pre-internet days, seemed like a sensible career strategy: when I was asked by editors who I'd worked for, I lied. I listed a handful of magazines that sounded likely, and I sounded confident, and I got jobs. I then made it a point of honour to have written something for each of the magazines I'd listed to get that first job, so that I hadn't actually lied, I'd just been chronologically challenged... You get work however you get work.

People keep working, in a freelance world, and more and more of today's world is freelance, because their work is good, and because they are easy to get along with, and because they deliver the work on time. And you don't even need all three. Two out of three is fine. People will tolerate how unpleasant you are if your work is good and you deliver it on time. They'll forgive the lateness of the work if it's good, and if they like you. And you don't have to be as good as the others if you're on time and it's always a pleasure to hear from you.

When I agreed to give this address, I started trying to think what the best advice I'd been given over the years was.

And it came from Stephen King twenty years ago, at the height of the success of Sandman. I was writing a comic that people loved and were taking seriously. King had liked Sandman and my novel with Terry Pratchett, Good Omens, and he saw the madness, the long signing lines, all that, and his advice was this:

“This is really great. You should enjoy it.”

And I didn't. Best advice I got that I ignored.Instead I worried about it. I worried about the next deadline, the next idea, the next story. There wasn't a moment for the next fourteen or fifteen years that I wasn't writing something in my head, or wondering about it. And I didn't stop and look around and go, this is really fun. I wish I'd enjoyed it more. It's been an amazing ride. But there were parts of the ride I missed, because I was too worried about things going wrong, about what came next, to enjoy the bit I was on.

That was the hardest lesson for me, I think: to let go and enjoy the ride, because the ride takes you to some remarkable and unexpected places.

And here, on this platform, today, is one of those places. (I am enjoying myself immensely.)

To all today's graduates: I wish you luck. Luck is useful. Often you will discover that the harder you work, and the more wisely you work, the luckier you get. But there is luck, and it helps.

We're in a transitional world right now, if you're in any kind of artistic field, because the nature of distribution is changing, the models by which creators got their work out into the world, and got to keep a roof over their heads and buy sandwiches while they did that, are all changing. I've talked to people at the top of the food chain in publishing, in bookselling, in all those areas, and nobody knows what the landscape will look like two years from now, let alone a decade away. The distribution channels that people had built over the last century or so are in flux for print, for visual artists, for musicians, for creative people of all kinds.

Which is, on the one hand, intimidating, and on the other, immensely liberating. The rules, the assumptions, the now-we're supposed to's of how you get your work seen, and what you do then, are breaking down. The gatekeepers are leaving their gates. You can be as creative as you need to be to get your work seen. YouTube and the web (and whatever comes after YouTube and the web) can give you more people watching than television ever did. The old rules are crumbling and nobody knows what the new rules are.

So make up your own rules.

Someone asked me recently how to do something she thought was going to be difficult, in this case recording an audio book, and I suggested she pretend that she was someone who could do it. Not pretend to do it, but pretend she was someone who could. She put up a notice to this effect on the studio wall, and she said it helped.

So be wise, because the world needs more wisdom, and if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.

And now go, and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here. Make good art.

University of the Arts
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
134th Commencement
May 17, 2012