An Interview with Artist Rae Robinson

LF: How did you start painting?

RR: Like any kid, I always loved painting and drawing. If anyone gave me a crayon and a piece of paper I was entertained for hours. Unlike many kids that went to church or other adult activities and their moms would bring Cheerios, fruit snacks, toys and books, my mom never brought anything; her thing was giving me and my siblings a pen and the church program or paper and that was our entertainment, so I guess I was kind of forced to draw, and I have no complaints there! In high school I also worked at a theatre downtown where I helped build and paint the sets. I loved it so much, but I still didn’t really know how to scale down art or do more academic work until college.

My favorite charcoal drawing, this girl intrigued me. She was in one of my classes and had a little sass about her. Her father is from Kenya and she’s from Texas, she always talked about her roots but at the same time she was the average American teenager. I tried to capture both those sides in this drawing. “Hipster meets Tradition”.

LF: What inspires you the most about art?

RR: Art inspires me in every aspect of my life. I can’t even meet a person without assigning them a color. I often won’t remember your name but I’ll never forget the color I gave you. Art inspires me the most in my relationships with people. If there is one thing I’ve learned in painting it's that every painting and drawing has to go through an ugly stage. At the beginning I’m always excited about the possible outcome of the piece, but I soon find that after many hours the painting has turned sour—the nose might be drooped down to the chin, one eye might be on hair line and the hand is 3x too big… in other words, it’s a disaster. That’s when every artist is faced with a decision: either to snap it in half and throw your brushes across the room (which I have done many times) or to sit down blast the music (Weezer or Passion Pit) get a snack (popcorn) and find a new determination to fix every mistake and patiently let it come together. That’s how I see relationships, they always go through ugly stages and not everything is always perfect with my sisters, dad, mom, boyfriend and friends, but art has taught me to take the second option and work through it. Many artists always show their final piece and have a sense of pride in it but the final product has never been my favorite part about it. My favorite part is always the process that piece took me through (typically an emotional frustrating one) and that’s how life is. It's not about the final outcome, but the process of everyday. Art is everything to me. It’s typically the first and last thing I think about when I wake up and go to bed.

One of the emotional drawings. I didn’t know I was sad or down until I stepped back and realized her position. Later I read my scriptures and realized that of course burdens come and it’s ok, we are supposed to have them. We are all connected to expressing our emotions in some way and God is connected to help us through these emotions in His way.

LF: If you had to give someone a piece of advice around finding your passion, what would you offer?

RR: If I could give anyone one piece of advice about finding their passion it would be to “Date Life.” I know it sounds a bit odd to date life, but my experience has taught me that dates with life are actually the most exciting dates I’ve been on. I had a friend that was expressing her frustration with boys and how she was just so fed up with them. I found myself expressing to her that she just needs to date life, see what it has to offer, and pick and choose from there. There is so much we can’t control around us, but when you date life, you have the power to choose what you are going to do on that date. Dating life is similar to regular relationships, you have to try out many different things to figure out what you like. Maybe a pottery class, hiking, culinary class, foreign films, photography, poetry, badminton . . . you can really start with anything and maybe the first go around is something that you love and you stay with, or maybe it's just horrible and that’s ok—you just try something else. The most exciting dates with life are getting into things that push you, take you out of your comfort level and urge you to develop. Developing talents and passion has made the biggest difference in my life. There was a point in my life (and I’m sure for many others) where I wasn’t in a good relationship which obviously led to many bad breakups, it was hard and brutal, and like so many other things in life that I've gone through, it left me a little helpless and lost. Each time I was left a little more lost, but those were the times I also found myself in art. Being lost and sad, I never wanted to be around people (still struggle), but I would find my own company and a paintbrush entertaining. I would just go paint for hours and draw, sometimes sad and depressing things, but I would draw nevertheless.  Developing a talent pushes us to look beyond ourselves so we don’t just focus on our social status, body type, clothes, followers and “friends” on social media.  It gives us the ability to love ourselves because we love something else that pushes us.

My canvases were always a little creative when I was younger…my little brother Seth was such a trooper. 

LF: Name one thing that you’re hoping to accomplish in the next year.

RR: In the next year I would love to assign more of a style to my work. I feel like that is a never ending search for any artist or person with a passion. Right now I’m in this experimental phase where I just try some of everything, it's fun and I’m enjoying the phase, but eventually I would love to have a style and a medium that I can really master. 

One of my first portraits. I was faced with those two decisions while painting it, but I'm glad I stuck with the second decision to keep working. 

LF: What advice would you have given yourself three years ago?

RR: Three years ago I would have given myself the advice to be patient and enjoy the stage where you just really kinda suck (ha!). Too often I always wanted to be better immediately, instead of enjoying crappy piece after crappy piece. I would also tell myself to not be so dramatic or think the world was over with one bad thing. Wake up early. You only need one or two GOOD friends, not a million. Family and God are the most important things. Finally, be yourself and let yourself change.

Oooh, such delicious words, artwork and advice. Find Rae on Instagram at @raebaebaerob—it's always a beautiful adventure. 

The Answer Is Love: An Essay by Brenda Smart

When our post on violence got over four hundred views in one day, I knew Love Force had touched on a topic that rang significant for a wide spectrum of people. In response, I reached out to social work clinician Brenda Smart, who's devoted much of her life to helping survivors and perpetrators of violence. Read on as Smart shares why she chooses to open her heart to all parties, and how love can be the most powerful force in the world.

While in my clinical social work masters program, I wrote a paper titled, “What About the Men?” I worked in a shelter in Southern California helping women and children get back on their feet after fleeing domestic violence. I saw first hand the damage that these male abusers had on their victims. However, being a mother of four boys, I often thought to myself, “What about the men? Who is helping the abusers?” I know that question can trigger a lot of negative emotions from women; and I understand. Let me clarify.

I listened to woman after woman share their horrific story of abuse. Although I put on my professional face, my heart would sink as I watched the women physically shake, look terrified, and appear broken as they entered the shelter and had to provide me with details of their abuse. I must stop here and explain what I mean when I say the word "abuse". Most people immediately think of physical abuse. And while it is damaging, the majority of the clients that I worked with often reported that bruises, cuts and scrapes could heal, leaving little visible damage over time. However, they explained that the damning effect of emotional abuse is relived over and over, leaving unseen scars that are never healed yet are always present. Words such as, "You're stupid, ugly, worthless" (and many more too vulgar to share) corrode the spirit. These women were left downtrodden and questioning if their existence mattered. I could write much more on my thoughts of "abuse", but I truly have come to believe that anything less than nurturing can be abuse to the spirit of a person.

One day I discovered a little insight to my question, "What about the men?” I remember meeting with this particular abuser as if it were yesterday. He was around twenty-five years old. I was his seven-year-old daughter's counselor and it was court ordered that he visit with me. I had conducted interviews with my client's mother (24) regarding the horrific abuse she endured and my client witnessed. I was also provided a picture of the abuser that showed a shaved head, gun carrying, heavily tattooed and angry man. I will admit that I was scared to meet with him. Because of my love for the men in my life, I went into the meeting with an open heart to try and learn from this man, to hear his story. He came in equipped with excuses, stories, and anything he could to "sell himself as innocent." As I listened, I felt inspired to show him empathy, kindness and understanding. I was amazed what happened next. He took a sucker that I had set out for my child clients, and he proceeded to suck on it as if it was a pacifier (at least it seemed to me that it offered him that same comfort). He curled up in a ball and cried as he shared with me details of his terrible, loveless childhood. He was shaking, and apologizing profusely for crying. He was embarrassed. I reassured him that it took a strong, brave man to show the vulnerability he had. He too was a victim of abuse. 

Abuse is cyclical. I would guess that 90% of the women that I taught in parenting classes and domestic violence education raised their hands when asked how many of them grew up with domestic violence in the home. And the same amount raised their hands stating that they swore to themselves as children that they would NEVER repeat the same cycle of abuse, yet here they were in domestic violent relationships (side note: on average, a women will go back to her abuser seven times). A majority of those who grow up in a home with domestic violence either identify with the abuser (and grow up to be abusers) or identify with the victim (often finding themselves in relationships with abusers). Unfortunately, we fall back on what is familiar. 

I’m grateful that we have made some positive strides as a society in understanding domestic violence, evidenced by outreach programs, domestic violence education, and many classes in helping the survivors. Although I believe law enforcement has a long way to go (still requiring physical proof of abuse before an arrest can be made), they are making strides in taking domestic disputes seriously. However, I believe as a society we are a long way off in understanding the abuser. We raise boys to "man-up", tell them not cry and suck it up, and the list goes on. The anger that we see released in boys is very often penned up emotions that they do not know how to express, therefore it shows up in bullying, fighting, etc. Depression is often masked as anger in men, while women often show symptoms of depression manifested by crying, laying in bed, feeling overwhelmed. Very seldom do men show those same symptoms. Society tells them that they cannot. They are left confused, not heard or misunderstood. 

We need to unite in opening our hearts in empathy and understanding, not condemnation when we hear a story of domestic violence. I am not saying that we should justify any form of abuse, but I believe our hearts must be open to both women and men in these situations. Government gives grants that help support outreach, shelters, classes, etc. for the women. Yet the jails seem to be the only way out for the men. Therapy is offered to both, but the majority of men have been told that they are less-than or weak if they seek help. They are left stranded with uncontrolled emotions. We must remember that there just may be a little boy inside that abuser with a story of pain that none of us understand. 

Parents: please allow your sons and daughters safety when sharing their thoughts, feelings and emotions. Show them physical and emotional love. If they are raised in an environment of love, there is a much greater chance that LOVE will be the familiar that they fall back on when they are in a relationship.

A portrait of love. Brenda currently lives in Hong Kong with her husband Dave, and makes it a point to spend time with her four sons, four [new] daughters and beautiful grandchildren whenever possible. (While counselors in the United States need to be licensed, Smart was preparing for her state boards when they found out they were moving to Hong Kong. Fortunately, a masters in social work is recognized throughout the world.) She currently volunteers as a counselor in Asia.

Transcendental: An Interview With Nichel Schwarz

The radiant Nichel Schwarz takes us to an altogether higher plane as she talks with Love Force about goals, the universe, and a little bit of Emerson. (Editor's note: This is one of the most genuine women you'll ever encounter. She is sunshine.)

LF: What are things that you’ve done in your life that make you proud of yourself?

Accomplishing goals. This sounds so simple but when I accomplish a goal I set, I am proud of myself. When I was about to graduate high school, I set a list of 100 goals for myself for the next five years and in that list of goals were things as complex as "graduate college" and goals as simple as "go skydiving." I'm proud to say I've accomplished 96 of those goals. The goals I'm most proud of accomplishing are:

1. First and foremost, I'm proud of marrying my husband

2. Secondly, graduating college

3. Attending a semester abroad 

4. Learning how to love myself 

5. Conquering my biggest fears 

6. Never losing an opportunity to understand someone 

LF: Who or what do you most connect with? Why?

This is so cliché, but my whole life I've felt a connection with the sky and the earth. I truly believe we each have a star shining for us; I've believed this for as long as I can remember. Every time I take a minute to breathe in the fresh air of our earth, really examine the mountains, or feel the salty ocean on my skin, I feel connected with the universe and God. This world is amazing. If you feel alone, if you need hope, or need to feel loved, look into the night sky and focus on the stars, float on your back in the ocean and close your eyes and listen to the water beat against your ear drums. It heals. I have a deep love and passion for the world and the universe—it's always there for us to connect with. It’s a constant and always will be.

LF: If joy became an international currency, what kind of work would make you wealthy?

The times when I feel the most joy are the times when I'm not focused on myself. This is something I truly came to learn and understand my freshman year of college. If joy became an international currency the work that would make me wealthy is helping others. Immersing myself in new countries is the other thing that makes me feel the most joy. Doing humanitarian work in countries around the world with my husband, this is the thing that would make me wealthy. 

LF: Do any of the things that used to upset you a few years ago matter at all today? If so, what’s changed?

The only things that upset me a few years ago that still matter are the things not about myself things like global warming, equality, extreme poverty, foreign aid. The things that aren't about myself are things that still matter. The things that upset me a few year ago that don’t anymore were things relating to myself, and these things can slowly break you down. Don’t let what others think of you affect you; don't worry about what outfit you're going to wear, if you're skinny enough, or if you have enough likes on Instagram—because it doesn't matter. Wear whatever you want, post whatever you want, and be yourself because none of it matters. These things have changed for me in the past few years because, I believe, my perspective on life has been broadened. This is so much more out there than we know. My heart and mind have been opened. 

LF: What’s something that you struggled or struggle with that you feel you’ve improved on?

I struggle to express my opinions and ideas. Usually, this is because I love hearing what other people have to say but it's also because sometimes I am afraid to be wrong, judged, or to clash with someone else’s viewpoint. In Self Reliance, Ralph Waldo Emerson writes, "A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within . . .” Never pass up an opportunity to be heard, to express yourself, or to be understood. Be yourself don't be afraid to express your beliefs, thought, ideas, or take action about something that matters to you. And if someone doesn't agree with you, you don't have to apologize. Don't miss an opportunity to share something so uniquely wonderful that is yours, something that came from your beautiful mind. This is something I have struggled with and something I still struggle with. One day I hope to fully live by Emerson’s words.

Soak up more of this girl's light and love on Instagram at @nichelschwarz