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Showing posts with label CHERISHMENT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CHERISHMENT. Show all posts

Monday, June 8, 2015

All of the Things I'm Not by Aymie Haslam


I’m not a very good storyteller. I can also assure you that my laugh is dreadfully annoying, I am a frequent attendee of “The Pity Party” (always my own, of course) and I can over think things to the point of exhaustion. But…we’ll get to all that shortly.

Taylor asked me, “What are the top three things you’d want people to know about you?”

Uh…everything…and nothing? I couldn’t mention one thing without qualifying it. When I finally thought of a few things I couldn’t get the words to come together. What do you, the reader, want to know about me?! Nothing really. I am of almost no significance to you other than the fact that I am someone writing for a blog you frequent. I’m just some nobody Canadian, living a rather uneventful life. I will say that, for the sake of this post, you NEED to know that I love myself, but it wasn’t always that way.

Growing up is tough on everyone. If you’re not dealing with a bully, you’re dealing with making friends or struggling with how much time you get on the computer …or all three. There is always something dissatisfying, disheartening, or flat out unfair. As a child, I remember being so insecure, so uncomfortable in my own skin; I was consumed by an almost paralyzing anxiety. I was constantly haunted by feelings of inadequacy, drowning in the possibility that I may never be good enough.

If my laugh didn’t sound right, or I told a story that ended up having no real point or conclusion I would get sucked into a cyclone of self-hate. Eventually these toxic assessments of my self began to manifest in physical retribution. The scars on my body now remind me to always be there for myself, because some times no one else can.

I have since over come most of those struggles. I still have bad days. Nights when I can’t sleep because I am thinking of all the things I’m not. I also have better days that show me how capable I am. I have a strong belief in choosing who you want to be. In letting go of your own past and creating a brighter future for yourself despite the influence of others. My family is a constant strength for me. My faith holds me together when nothing else will. When things really get tough I just go and get my eyebrows done because oddly enough a new set of brows makes me feel like a Nubian Queen. I make sure to take time for myself. I feel truly alive when I am alone in a crowded place. I once spent an evening alone in a Roman piazza just eating and people watching. That may have been the best part of my trip.


Sometimes I give up too soon. I worry too much. I will always find a way to fall off something. I am littered with flaws. However, I don’t take myself too seriously, anymore. I give amazing hugs and I’m very determined and ambitious. We must learn to laugh at ourselves and enjoy our own company. If you find that you are not, I would encourage you to live the law of acceptance of yourself. It is not an excuse to live in mediocrity, but allows you healthy space to work on self-improvement. It makes life just a little easier to live. Also, if you have another moment to spare, run over to Tyler Ford’s post Too Much. It touched my heart and I hope it speaks to you too.

Thank you for reading.

Aymie is so real, so earnest, and so inspirational. Also the Nubian Queen comment makes me fall in love with her even more. Find her on Instagram at @aymielu and you'll fall in love with her too (if you haven't already).

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

A Letter to Myself by Jordan Rippy


Dear younger Jordan,

You're shy and quiet. You worry too much about what other people think. As you grow up, you'll still worry, but it won't affect you as much. 

Work on yourself. Become who you've always wanted to be. Don't let the hesitations in your mind stop you. If anything interests you, try it. Take the trips, flirt with the boy, and live by the "Why not?" mentality because truly—what is the worst that could happen? 

You'll turn 25 and your close friend will write a simple statement on your card saying, "Happy Birthday to a friend who is so full of life and love." And that sticks with you because that is who you want to be; that is is how you want to be remembered.

So be confident. Be open and don't second-guess yourself. And always keep in mind what your favorite character Winnie the Pooh says: "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." 

xoxo,

Jordan

Follow Jordan (who happens to be my incredible sister) on Instagram at @jodorippy for some of the best quotes, travel logs and San Diego sunset picture you've ever seen.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Life in Death by Regina Moomjean


In short, my Grandfather was my last living Grandparent. Ironically, though he was in my life the longest, it seems he took the longest for me to get to know. His wife of over 50 years, my Gram, was one of the closest and most influential people in my life. We lost her when I was only 13 years old and I am finding that one of the reasons the present loss of my Grandfather has been so layered and complex is because I am going through the emotion of losing her all again, it seems. The warmest and kindest of people, my grandfather was an amazing man. It wasn't that he didn't have time for us, or he was mean or anything awful like that. He was WONDERFUL. Always! But as a child, he was a man of few words. He was often in his back office, spending countless hours working on genealogy, one of his life's true passions. He would always come out to say hello, play for a little while, and then retire back to his room or the den for the rest of the my visit or sleepover with Gram. I didn't think anything of it.

And I would't think anything of it, until I lost her. Her passing was such a difficult time for me for an array of reasons. But most crucially, it was my first real experience with death. Even most of my friends hadn't lost grandparents yet. We were all very lucky. While death was something that I always knew of; I hadn't interacted with it personally, until her untimely death. I remember as a 13 year old being so frightened and genuinely heartbroken at the excruciating loss. I couldn't comprehend that at 13, every single memory I had of her would be the same that I'd have for the rest of my life. I wouldn't gain any new ones. I wouldn't have more. It would be just that. Just what we'd shared in those short 13 years.


Once she was gone, everything seemed to change. Visits to Grandad's felt hollow for me, and more than that, slightly uncomfortable. We would all sit in the front room of his beautiful home in Mission Hills, he'd sit rock in his rocking chair and we'd discuss things we'd been doing. The newest play I was in, my sister's soccer games, mom and work. It was all lovely, but it felt so strange. I would always long to go upstairs, being a person who is so in tune with spaces, and visuals and everything tangible that life has to offer. For me, it felt like Gram was still there if I could just go upstairs and spend time in the places that we would share our time. But I never did, because it would be strange for me to walk upstairs while everyone was sitting together in the front room. And as an early teenager, I didn't feel comfortable enough to explain that desire. More so, I was confused in my own head.

Years went on and we all became so much closer with my incredible Grandfather. My cousin, in particular, lived with him for a few years and truly pioneered a deeper relationship and I think, paved the way for many of us. It was a beautiful thing that she did.

Flashing forward, I am so blessed and thankful for the way everything played out. I would give anything to see my Gram again, and to have had her for so many more of those formative years in my life. But looking back now, I feel there is surely a reason things went the way they did. 

What I've learned in this chapter of my life, losing this person who was such an onion to me; is that my life is at a crossroads. I am finding that the peace and comfort that I am feeling is coming from those stories of the past. And I am so thankful to him for documenting them for us. I've found that I DID get to make new memories with Gram. I am still making memories with both of them. Whether it's the millions of photos they took traveling the world that I've asked to keep. Whether it's the couch I also asked to keep, that was one of my Grandparents first purchases as adults. These are pieces of them that I can cherish and help ease the pain of letting go. They allow me to feel like I don't have to let go. I can have coffee with Grandad on his couch. I can paint with Gram, using her old tablets and brushes.


I asked my mom if we could go to my Grandfather's house the weekend after his passing. It felt strange, being there. Now not only was the void of Gram ever present, but now there was a whole 'nother missing figure. An empty house that once was the scene of every holiday celebration. A place I can truly say I grew and learned about myself. I just wanted to go and be there. In silence. I wasn't even sad. It was more that I was finally saying, it's okay to do all those things you wanted to here. Go explore. Walk around. Take photos. Take hold of the memories and let them be alive and part of you, and not something you feel you have to keep only in your memory. Make them tangible.

For me, it was so cathartic. 

In addition, and I could go on forever…but I won't. I am someone who has always struggled with dealing with loss and sadness in general. I won't even watch 75% of movies, because I can't handle anything sad. I can't watch others suffer, and I can't process sadness. I am an eternal optimist, and what's more, is I am an eternal lover of the light. And so, in all things, my new great loss included; I've chosen to search for all the good that is still left. I've chosen to see myself as part of a long lineage of amazing people, who were artists and dreamers and travelers. I think that they are never truly gone because part of them really is in me. And if I let myself open up enough, they are there all the more.

I was always so scared of letting go. I still have fears, as anyone does, of losing those that I love as life goes on. But I am learning that the best way to deal is the share their stories. Make them still known to the people around you. They don't have to only live in the past. And if my Grandfather instilled anything, SURELY it's that I should always remember my past. It always helps to know where you came from. It gives you strong roots.


I will continue getting to know them better, as I think new thoughts and look at photos of them often.  I will see photos on the day of their wedding; traveling through Europe, spending time at their cabin in Big Bear, and I'll think… "I was there, too." "I wonder what they were thinking?" Unanswered questions can be hard to deal with, but I don't view them as a bad thing. Maybe over time, answers reveal themselves. I think they do. If you let them, and if you truly want to know.

For now, that's all. It's the realization that life is a journey, for all of us. Always. We all take turns going through the hard times, and we'll all take turns being strong for those we love when they have their turn. But I know the answer isn't shutting the hurt out. I know the answer isn't weeping and pain. I think the answer is to be ever searching and establishing all that you are feeling throughout the entire process. Sharing it, giving it a voice. Acting on what your heart is telling you to do. 

There's freedom in that. And for me, in this process, that's been the ticket.


I think I've read this at least fifteen times; is it not the loveliest? Do yourself a favor and follow this eternal lover of the light on Instagram at @ginamoomyour days will be that much brighter.

Friday, April 24, 2015

#MyFavoriteSelf


Do you have a favorite self?

Think of a time or two that was captured on camera when you felt really strong, or really weak, or really sexy, or really badass, or really natural, or really healthy, or really real. Really alive. This week, Love Force is challenging readers to post a favorite picture of themselves—we want to see you as your truest, freest self, most favorite self, whatever that looks like to you.

Post the picture on Instagram with the hashtag #myfavoriteself and tag @loveforceblog. Tell us why that's a favorite "you" and throughout the week, Love Force will be featuring your posts on our Instagram feed, with a winner announced Friday, May 1st. (Winner gets a copy of Amy Poehler's book Yes Please!)

And we want you to spread the word! Our hope is that taking a minute to think about your favorite self will inspire others to do the same. And the world could use a lot more favorite selves. Best of luck!

(Images from Tomboy Style, The Sartorialist, and ShootingFilm.net)

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

"Too Much" by Tyler Ford

do you remember the first time you were called annoying?
how your breath stopped short in your chest
the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze
the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue.
your eyes never left the floor that day.
you were 13.
you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for “too long,”
apologies littering every other sentence,
words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years.
i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious.
all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard
for 3 minutes
for 10 minutes
for 2 hours
forever.
there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, your heart;
mostly because they can’t handle their own.
but you will never be
and have never been
“too much.”

Tyler Ford

More Tyler Ford here and here.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Neil Gaiman on Art

I never really expected to find myself giving advice to people graduating from an establishment of higher education. I never graduated from any such establishment. I never even started at one. I escaped from school as soon as I could, when the prospect of four more years of enforced learning before I'd become the writer I wanted to be was stifling.

I got out into the world, I wrote, and I became a better writer the more I wrote, and I wrote some more, and nobody ever seemed to mind that I was making it up as I went along, they just read what I wrote and they paid for it, or they didn't, and often they commissioned me to write something else for them.

Which has left me with a healthy respect and fondness for higher education that those of my friends and family, who attended Universities, were cured of long ago.

Looking back, I've had a remarkable ride. I'm not sure I can call it a career, because a career implies that I had some kind of career plan, and I never did. The nearest thing I had was a list I made when I was 15 of everything I wanted to do: to write an adult novel, a children's book, a comic, a movie, record an audiobook, write an episode of Doctor Who... and so on. I didn't have a career. I just did the next thing on the list.

So I thought I'd tell you everything I wish I'd known starting out, and a few things that, looking back on it, I suppose that I did know. And that I would also give you the best piece of advice I'd ever got, which I completely failed to follow.

First of all: When you start out on a career in the arts you have no idea what you are doing.

This is great. People who know what they are doing know the rules, and know what is possible and impossible. You do not. And you should not. The rules on what is possible and impossible in the arts were made by people who had not tested the bounds of the possible by going beyond them. And you can.

If you don't know it's impossible it's easier to do. And because nobody's done it before, they haven't made up rules to stop anyone doing that again, yet.

Secondly, If you have an idea of what you want to make, what you were put here to do, then just go and do that.

And that's much harder than it sounds and, sometimes in the end, so much easier than you might imagine. Because normally, there are things you have to do before you can get to the place you want to be. I wanted to write comics and novels and stories and films, so I became a journalist, because journalists are allowed to ask questions, and to simply go and find out how the world works, and besides, to do those things I needed to write and to write well, and I was being paid to learn how to write economically, crisply, sometimes under adverse conditions, and on time.

Sometimes the way to do what you hope to do will be clear cut, and sometimes it will be almost impossible to decide whether or not you are doing the correct thing, because you'll have to balance your goals and hopes with feeding yourself, paying debts, finding work, settling for what you can get.

Something that worked for me was imagining that where I wanted to be – an author, primarily of fiction, making good books, making good comics and supporting myself through my words – was a mountain. A distant mountain. My goal.

And I knew that as long as I kept walking towards the mountain I would be all right. And when I truly was not sure what to do, I could stop, and think about whether it was taking me towards or away from the mountain. I said no to editorial jobs on magazines, proper jobs that would have paid proper money because I knew that, attractive though they were, for me they would have been walking away from the mountain. And if those job offers had come along earlier I might have taken them, because they still would have been closer to the mountain than I was at the time.

I learned to write by writing. I tended to do anything as long as it felt like an adventure, and to stop when it felt like work, which meant that life did not feel like work.

Thirdly, When you start off, you have to deal with the problems of failure. You need to be thickskinned, to learn that not every project will survive. A freelance life, a life in the arts, is sometimes like putting messages in bottles, on a desert island, and hoping that someone will find one of your bottles and open it and read it, and put something in a bottle that will wash its way back to you: appreciation, or a commission, or money, or love. And you have to accept that you may put out a hundred things for every bottle that winds up coming back.

The problems of failure are problems of discouragement, of hopelessness, of hunger. You want everything to happen and you want it now, and things go wrong. My first book – a piece of journalism I had done for the money, and which had already bought me an electric typewriter from the advance – should have been a bestseller. It should have paid me a lot of money. If the publisher hadn't gone into involuntary liquidation between the first print run selling out and the second printing, and before any royalties could be paid, it would have done.

And I shrugged, and I still had my electric typewriter and enough money to pay the rent for a couple of months, and I decided that I would do my best in future not to write books just for the money. If you didn't get the money, then you didn't have anything. If I did work I was proud of, and I didn't get the money, at least I'd have the work.

Every now and again, I forget that rule, and whenever I do, the universe kicks me hard and reminds me. I don't know that it's an issue for anybody but me, but it's true that nothing I did where the only reason for doing it was the money was ever worth it, except as bitter experience. Usually I didn't wind up getting the money, either. The things I did because I was excited, and wanted to see them exist in reality have never let me down, and I've never regretted the time I spent on any of them.

The problems of failure are hard.

The problems of success can be harder, because nobody warns you about them.

The first problem of any kind of even limited success is the unshakable conviction that you are getting away with something, and that any moment now they will discover you. It's Imposter Syndrome, something my wife Amanda christened the Fraud Police.

In my case, I was convinced that there would be a knock on the door, and a man with a clipboard (I don't know why he carried a clipboard, in my head, but he did) would be there, to tell me it was all over, and they had caught up with me, and now I would have to go and get a real job, one that didn't consist of making things up and writing them down, and reading books I wanted to read. And then I would go away quietly and get the kind of job where you don't have to make things up any more.

The problems of success. They're real, and with luck you'll experience them. The point where you stop saying yes to everything, because now the bottles you threw in the ocean are all coming back, and have to learn to say no.

I watched my peers, and my friends, and the ones who were older than me and watch how miserable some of them were: I'd listen to them telling me that they couldn't envisage a world where they did what they had always wanted to do any more, because now they had to earn a certain amount every month just to keep where they were. They couldn't go and do the things that mattered, and that they had really wanted to do; and that seemed as a big a tragedy as any problem of failure.

And after that, the biggest problem of success is that the world conspires to stop you doing the thing that you do, because you are successful. There was a day when I looked up and realised that I had become someone who professionally replied to email, and who wrote as a hobby. I started answering fewer emails, and was relieved to find I was writing much more.

Fourthly, I hope you'll make mistakes. If you're making mistakes, it means you're out there doing something. And the mistakes in themselves can be useful. I once misspelled Caroline, in a letter, transposing the A and the O, and I thought, “Coraline looks like a real name...”

And remember that whatever discipline you are in, whether you are a musician or a photographer, a fine artist or a cartoonist, a writer, a dancer, a designer, whatever you do you have one thing that's unique. You have the ability to make art.

And for me, and for so many of the people I have known, that's been a lifesaver. The ultimate lifesaver. It gets you through good times and it gets you through the other ones.

Life is sometimes hard. Things go wrong, in life and in love and in business and in friendship and in health and in all the other ways that life can go wrong. And when things get tough, this is what you should do.

Make good art.

I'm serious. Husband runs off with a politician? Make good art. Leg crushed and then eaten by mutated boa constrictor? Make good art. IRS on your trail? Make good art. Cat exploded? Make good art. Somebody on the Internet thinks what you do is stupid or evil or it's all been done before? Make good art. Probably things will work out somehow, and eventually time will take the sting away, but that doesn't matter. Do what only you do best. Make good art.

Make it on the good days too.

And Fifthly, while you are at it, make your art. Do the stuff that only you can do.

The urge, starting out, is to copy. And that's not a bad thing. Most of us only find our own voices after we've sounded like a lot of other people. But the one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.

The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you're walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That's the moment you may be starting to get it right.

The things I've done that worked the best were the things I was the least certain about, the stories where I was sure they would either work, or more likely be the kinds of embarrassing failures people would gather together and talk about until the end of time. They always had that in common: looking back at them, people explain why they were inevitable successes. While I was doing them, I had no idea.

I still don't. And where would be the fun in making something you knew was going to work?

And sometimes the things I did really didn't work. There are stories of mine that have never been reprinted. Some of them never even left the house. But I learned as much from them as I did from the things that worked.

Sixthly. I will pass on some secret freelancer knowledge. Secret knowledge is always good. And it is useful for anyone who ever plans to create art for other people, to enter a freelance world of any kind. I learned it in comics, but it applies to other fields too. And it's this:

People get hired because, somehow, they get hired. In my case I did something which these days would be easy to check, and would get me into trouble, and when I started out, in those pre-internet days, seemed like a sensible career strategy: when I was asked by editors who I'd worked for, I lied. I listed a handful of magazines that sounded likely, and I sounded confident, and I got jobs. I then made it a point of honour to have written something for each of the magazines I'd listed to get that first job, so that I hadn't actually lied, I'd just been chronologically challenged... You get work however you get work.

People keep working, in a freelance world, and more and more of today's world is freelance, because their work is good, and because they are easy to get along with, and because they deliver the work on time. And you don't even need all three. Two out of three is fine. People will tolerate how unpleasant you are if your work is good and you deliver it on time. They'll forgive the lateness of the work if it's good, and if they like you. And you don't have to be as good as the others if you're on time and it's always a pleasure to hear from you.

When I agreed to give this address, I started trying to think what the best advice I'd been given over the years was.

And it came from Stephen King twenty years ago, at the height of the success of Sandman. I was writing a comic that people loved and were taking seriously. King had liked Sandman and my novel with Terry Pratchett, Good Omens, and he saw the madness, the long signing lines, all that, and his advice was this:

“This is really great. You should enjoy it.”

And I didn't. Best advice I got that I ignored.Instead I worried about it. I worried about the next deadline, the next idea, the next story. There wasn't a moment for the next fourteen or fifteen years that I wasn't writing something in my head, or wondering about it. And I didn't stop and look around and go, this is really fun. I wish I'd enjoyed it more. It's been an amazing ride. But there were parts of the ride I missed, because I was too worried about things going wrong, about what came next, to enjoy the bit I was on.

That was the hardest lesson for me, I think: to let go and enjoy the ride, because the ride takes you to some remarkable and unexpected places.

And here, on this platform, today, is one of those places. (I am enjoying myself immensely.)

To all today's graduates: I wish you luck. Luck is useful. Often you will discover that the harder you work, and the more wisely you work, the luckier you get. But there is luck, and it helps.

We're in a transitional world right now, if you're in any kind of artistic field, because the nature of distribution is changing, the models by which creators got their work out into the world, and got to keep a roof over their heads and buy sandwiches while they did that, are all changing. I've talked to people at the top of the food chain in publishing, in bookselling, in all those areas, and nobody knows what the landscape will look like two years from now, let alone a decade away. The distribution channels that people had built over the last century or so are in flux for print, for visual artists, for musicians, for creative people of all kinds.

Which is, on the one hand, intimidating, and on the other, immensely liberating. The rules, the assumptions, the now-we're supposed to's of how you get your work seen, and what you do then, are breaking down. The gatekeepers are leaving their gates. You can be as creative as you need to be to get your work seen. YouTube and the web (and whatever comes after YouTube and the web) can give you more people watching than television ever did. The old rules are crumbling and nobody knows what the new rules are.

So make up your own rules.

Someone asked me recently how to do something she thought was going to be difficult, in this case recording an audio book, and I suggested she pretend that she was someone who could do it. Not pretend to do it, but pretend she was someone who could. She put up a notice to this effect on the studio wall, and she said it helped.

So be wise, because the world needs more wisdom, and if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.

And now go, and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here. Make good art.

University of the Arts
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
134th Commencement
May 17, 2012

Friday, March 20, 2015

A Letter to Myself: Written by Paris Clavel

When I was young, I felt like everyone I admired was very strongly opinionated and seemed to be of one mind. It was such a secure way to grow up, but so very narrow. Imagine when I got to an extremely diverse college and started to admire people who were nothing like me, who thought nothing like me—who I disagreed with and it was encouraged. My entire frame of reference crumbled, and sifting through the debris I got to choose all of the pieces that would make me who I wanted to be as an individual. As different as that might be from everyone I knew and loved. It was so intoxicating; creating myself apart from anyone else. But I wish I had been bolder sooner, I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time simply being agreeable.


Dear Little Paris,

Yes, you, with the big #12 on the back of your teensy sweater eating your homemade PB&J’s. You’re a Mormon, you’re being homeschooled, you guys don’t drink milk or get the flu shot, you won’t be allowed to wear makeup until you’re fourteen, and your dad makes you listen to Rush Limbaugh every morning. You are seriously the strangest person I know.

You’re already so much more different than you want to be and it makes you so uncomfortable. You’re so tired of not having anything in common with people. So there they stay, tucked away, all your crazy ideas and unique perspectives. Smiling and nodding, going with the flow—you’re the ultimate team player. But sitting atop that fence is going to get uncomfortable really soon. I know it feels safe up there, you don’t have to make up your mind or do anything noticeable, and people love you because you’re so quick to jump on board with their ideas.

But please stop thinking so much about what will make other people feel good or smart or strong, it’s time for you to feel good and smart and strong. It’s time to learn that it is not disrespectful to have a different opinion; it is not selfish to share your own thoughts. It’s not necessary to support every thought shared by others, it is not brave or bold or unique to be a footstool.

Oh little Paris, stop being so agreeable.

You don’t have all the answers, nobody does. But that doesn’t make your real thoughts, feelings, or opinions any less valuable. If you think differently, speak up—even if you end up being the only one. Stop acting so passionate about things you don’t really care about and being so passive about things that might actually matter to you. Everything that makes you unique is getting lost in the shuffle.

One day you will have a beautiful little boy, and as you watch him grow you will feel like he is capable of doing anything, being anything he wants to. And you will feel so much love that you will want to encourage him in whatever he tries to pursue—whatever ideas he has, no matter how different they might be from your own. And so you see you never had to be afraid, you never had to shrink when those you loved and admired felt differently than you. Because in the words of Bernard M. Baruch, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

Oh little Paris, stop being so agreeable. Be brave, be different, be you already.


You can find Paris and her cute (growing!) family at @parisclavel on Instagram. (This is a woman I've looked up to since the day I met her—she's a lover and a fighter and she's brimming with wisdom.)

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

The Art of the Handwritten Letter

How do you express your love? Love Force interviewed a handful of folks that take to letter-writing. Meet Brianne, Mandy, Katie, Sarah, James, Sara and Donnie—their answers to Snapchat, emotions and sealing wax below.


LF: It's 2015—we've got email, text, and most importantly, Snapchat. Why the handwritten letter?

Brianne Dosch: It’s the whole cliché answer that it’s just more personal. When I’m far away from someone it makes me feel closer to that person to send him or her something I touched, that they will touch. Not only is my heart on that paper, I’m on that paper. It makes people seem closer and messages more meaningful.

Sara Ikonen: To me hand-written letters are something tangible and much more personal than an email (plus, I don’t use Snapchat in the first place – one part of me is pretty old school when it comes to technology.) The reader can see me on the paper, not just through the words and what they convey but through the one by one written letters that have a unique flair to them. I try to keep some good things alive from the past – and hand-written letters definitely belong in that category.

Mandy Prasad: With technology everywhere in our daily lives (computers, phones, tablets), it is so much nicer to know that someone else put down their device, dug through a drawer to find a pen and some paper, write the letter, find an envelope, stamp it, and mail it.

Katie Fuhriman: Think of how you felt when you received a note from your crush, with your name penned across the top and their signature at the bottom, with, if you were really lucky, a heart slash or maybe even the word “love.” All in his handwriting. It was like I had a little piece of my special someone with me no matter where I carried that note, something that no one else had or could ever duplicate. It saddens me to think that kids these days might not get to experience that. That all they get is a text, which maybe someone else wrote only as a joke. Because when it’s not handwritten, you can never know for sure who really wrote it. It didn’t always matter what the notes said. It was just the fact that they took the time to write it in their own handwriting that made it special. I fear that although we are in constant communication, maybe we’re not communicating as much. I write handwritten letters because they are more meaningful, in my opinion. They require more effort, more time, a stamp, a walk to your mailbox. More thought and consideration. And I think everyone deserves that.

LF: How often do you turn to pen and paper for communication? Do you find yourself hand-writing letters on certain occasions or in particular circumstances?

Sarah Chandler: I write a lot, it's the best way for me to relieve my feelings and express myself. I write a lot when I travel because I don't always have a phone or computer available, but I can always write.

James Choi: Reflecting back on the few times that I've hand-written notes recently, it's been mostly for special occasions. Christmas cards, sexy notes, thinking of you post-its. The activity of handwriting, I feel, serves almost as an exclamation point. It's easy and convenient to text a "good morning", "thinking of you", or email a "Merry Christmas", but when I look back at times I specifically took to pen and paper, it was to emphasize emotion. Turbo charge it, if you will, to really signify what I'm trying to communicate.

Sara Ikonen: I would say at least once a month. I write letters specifically to my dad and grandma – I haven’t seen either of them for years. They are extra special people to me, so they deserve extra special things. I usually also slip a few photos in the envelope to accompany the letter. My grandma doesn’t know anything about computers or cellphones, and my dad isn’t tech savvy either. Letters are basically my only way of staying in touch with them since they live in Finland and Sweden respectively. I also write letters to my man in Australia even though we chat/call/Skype/text several hours every day. Again, I just feel like it’s something more concrete – like a little piece of me. I also love the surprise factor of when the letter gets to its destination; plus, there’s something romantic about hand-written letters too.

Brianne Dosch: I write hand written letters to my husband (about weekly) and especially for occasions (like the first day of something, anniversaries etc), but I also write hand written letters to my only sibling who lives in Utah. We do this stupid thing where we write letters like we’re in Pride and Prejudice era. It’s kind of fun and quirky.

Katie Fuhriman: Before my sister and I both got married, we used to write each other letters every time we went through a hard breakup. It didn’t heal all the heartache, but it did bring a smile to my face every time I sent or received one of those letters.

LF: Have you always taken time for hand-written notes? Did someone or something in your life inspire you to starting sending physical letters rather than digital notes? 


Sarah Chandler: I've always loved hand-written notes; my childhood best friend and I started writing letters to each other when she moved. E-mail wasn't a thing and we loved to decorate the envelopes and send pictures. It was just so exciting to wait for something in the mail. I watched this movie about letter writing where this older gentlemen writes letters of love and encouragement to random people in the phone book—it's helped encourage me to keep writing cheery notes.

Brianne Dosch: My Grandma Fischer (on my mom’s side) got me into letter writing. She has bookcases and bookcases full of journals from her life. So we started a letter journal. She would start a journal with a letter to me and then mail it to me. Then I would reply in the journal and then send it back to her. It always made me want to write letters like her for the rest of my life.

James Choi: I remember getting letters from families and friends when I was younger, and seeing the lilt of their penmanship on the paper brought gratitude—they took specified time to handwrite me a letter. I figure it's difficult to multitask or be playing Candy Crush when handwriting a letter. (Unless one has four arms, which would be awesome and akin to my fave Mortal Kombat character.) So really, it's the effort that I appreciate. I don't keep all of my emails, but I've kept every single leaf of paper that friends and family have taken time to pen.

Katie Fuhriman: I do probably owe some of my inspiration to my Grandma Bowers, because she hand-writes notes or letters for every occasion and always has. She used to write me a letter at least once a month when I lived in Hawai'i, because I was so far away and she wanted to show me how much she cared and missed me. It was very sweet.

LF: Talk us through the emotions—from the writing itself to the sealing in the envelope to the placing in the mailbox. 

Donnie Winter: Total excitement. While my girlfriend lived overseas, I got to write her letters, it was not a chore whatsoever. I am way more expressive in my letters, so it was so much fun coming up with jokes, drawings, and talking about different learnings and things like that. Sealing the envelope is a feeling of accomplishment, weirdly enough. Just the thought of, "Yeah, she's going to love this one!" And after sealing it I would draw something or write a quote from a TV show or movie on the back; just still having so much fun with it. Oh, and cute stamps (Harry Potter, obvi). But shortly after dropping the letter into the mailbox, there comes a feeling of "longing" I guess. I knew I would get an email from her soon, but I wanted a letter back from her right then, you know? It definitely made me more patient.

Mandy Prasad: There can be a lot of emotions when writing a letter – it depends a lot on what’s going on in your life and what’s going on in the other person's. A couple months ago, I was driving in the car by myself, and the song that my dad and I danced to at my wedding came on the radio. It’s an older song from 1993, so it doesn’t usually come on to the radio. Instead of texting my dad or calling him, I wrote him about it. I know he likes to keep mementos, and so I sent the postcard hoping he’d be able to keep it and know that I think about him and appreciate him in my life.

James Choi: Writing the actual letter is the source of about 80% of the emotion (gratitude, sorrow, sympathy, pride) and 20% is just impatience. When it comes to mailing it, sealing the envelope is 20% "Please don't cut my tongue" and 80% "Hell yeah." Placing in mailbox: 100% "I hope this doesn't get lost."

Katie Fuhriman: I start to feel committed and even a little bit excited. When I’m actually writing the letter, I’m thinking of what I want to say, I’m laughing along with the funny parts, and I’m smiling as I imagine the recipient’s reaction to what I’m writing. It’s like a conversation that, in a way, I get to enjoy twice – while I’m writing it, and when they end up reading it.

Sara Ikonen: When I write, I’m in a flow. It’s a self-reflective process just like when writing in my journal but now with someone special as my audience. When I’m done and get to seal it and drop it in the mailbox, I feel accomplished. I estimate what day the recipient will find the letter in their mailbox and what is going on in their life on that day.

LF: Do you ever personalize your mail or have any favorite styles/methods of delivery? (For example, you seal it with a kiss, or with wax, or you mail painted coconuts instead of envelopes.)

Mandy Prasad: I’ve never thought about it until now, but I guess I do have a style. Usually at the end of my letters, I’ll write an inside-joke sort of phrase as a closing phrase. While some might say “love, so-and-so,” I’ll write something that signifies our relationship together and that only the two of us know and are a part of.

Donnie Winter: No red lipstick seals for me, but I used to pick flowers and press them when they were in bloom. It was hard in the winter, but I tried to send pressed flowers as often as I could. She's the kind that deserves a flower a day, you know?

Sara Ikonen: Yes, I do like to get artsy and creative with my letters sometimes. Often, I make a small and simple painting for my grandma, let it dry, and then write the text over the painting. I usually also like to decorate the envelopes with little cute doodlings.

Brianne Dosch: I like to find pretty stamps to put on all my envelopes, and I always try to write on parchment (generally from Papyrus) and I have wax seals I break out occasionally too—I even have a cat one.

Katie Fuhriman: I don’t get too creative here, but I do write nicknames on the envelope instead of just the person’s regular name. I’m sure I have made a few mailmen (and mailwomen) laugh with some of the weird names I put on the envelopes I send. A lot of times I'll decorate the envelope with little drawings or song lyrics as well.

LF: What’s your favorite letter you’ve ever sent? What’s your favorite letter you’ve ever received? Is that correct grammar?

Donnie Winter: My girlfriend once wrote me a letter with all of the words written kind of weird on the paper; it kind of looked like she just couldn't write straight. And it wasn't until I actually finished the letter that I realized she had drawn a picture using the words. So she had re-created this goofy picture we had together but in writing. It was incredible.

Brianne Dosch: My favorite letter was one that was never actually sent. While I was in Israel my boyfriend (now my husband) got this huge package together that would have cost him $80 to send so I asked him not to send it. But when I got back I finally got the package that had the shortest but sweetest letter I have ever read. All it said was “I’ve decided I can’t live a day without you. Everything is better with you around. Please come home so I don’t ever have to be without you again.” He proposed to me the day after I finally got that delayed letter. (Oh and when it comes to grammar and letters, grammar never matters if the sentiment is right. And if someone corrects your grammar in a letter, then they most likely missed the point.)

Mandy Prasad: Favorite letter I’ve ever sent: I’m not sure if this technically counts as a letter, but I think it does. In high school, I had a friend who was going to spend time out in one of the least populated states in the USA, with barely anything to do. She was kind of dreading the trip at the time. So, I put together a backpack for her with things to do, and a letter giving her crazy ideas of things to do while on her trip. It was basically a silly scavenger hunt to keep her busy. Some of the things on the list included “write a letter to the hotel workers” and “find the coolest rock in the desert.” I can’t remember what was all in the letter, but I do know that she did a lot of things in the letter and it was so fun to put together something like that. Favorite letter I’ve ever received: When I was a young teenager, my favorite auntie was off to college. I wrote her thinking I might be able to cheer her day up, and didn’t expect a response. Shortly after I wrote her a letter, she wrote me back. It made me feel so special knowing that she cared and even as a busy college student, she took the time out to write me back.

Katie Fuhriman: One of my favorite letters I've ever sent was actually to one of my best friends who was in rehab at the time. He didn't have much communication with the outside world and didn't have internet access, so for Christmas, I sent him a package with a handwritten letter, some candy, and some printed photos of some of our favorite times together. I know it meant a lot to him, and it was very enjoyable for me to be able to write to him and buoy him up. It's hard to pick just one favorite of all the letters I have received. If I had to narrow it down, I would probably choose a letter I received from a good friend of mine from high school. It came at a completely random time in my life when I hadn't heard from him in years. He was never very good at expressing his feelings, but one time he wrote me a letter, thanking me for my friendship over the years, and he included with it a note I had given him when we were 14 years old. In his letter to me, he said: "I'm a lucky kid I guess and I've been feelin extra blessed lately so I figured I'd write you and send you this note you wrote me way back when that I've been holding onto for all this time. Right before I left I grabbed it cuz reading it has always reminded me of fun simplicity. It brightens things up." I guess this letter was my favorite because it showed me that even a simple note I wrote when I was younger had an important impact on someone. It's amazing what can happen with a handwritten note or letter. We can truly touch people in a different way. It's almost like a lost art.


Thanks to our interviewees for spilling the beans on the habit! Do you hand-write letters? I think I'm inspired to start. Check out this "Vintage Guide to the Lost Art of Epistolary Etiquette" for some tips from the golden age of letter writing.

(Image via Cotton & Flax)